Member-only story
HOME LIFE
Are Luxury Appliances Worth The Hefty Price-Tag?
One man’s epic tale of how the highly anticipated birthday gift of a Viking Professional range went from gastronomic glory to never-ending nightmare.
We all have a vision of Vikings with their blonde hair and blue eyes, maybe a braided ponytail, a long beard, and a helmet with horns. They carry swords, wear fur, and travel on ships. When they come to your village, they destroy everything they don’t steal, before running off with your women. At least that’s the usual story.
Our Viking story was a little different. It came wrapped in cardboard and plastic wrap and arrived on the back of a truck. Frankly, it didn’t look like anything to be afraid of, as it looked like the pictures we’d seen in all the fancy home magazines and food blogs. A gleaming fixture worthy of admiration, awe, and maybe a tiny bit of envy. How was I to know that this gleaming box of steel would prove to be so evil, so without pity or shame, so destructive in ways so varied and devious?
Our Viking was, in fact, pure hubris, from its oversized knobs to its heavy metal grates. It belched fire and refused to cooperate, reducing chicken to smoldering ruins, or leaving it limp and inedible. Gooey brownies…
