SATIRE

Wrestling With Vikings

One man’s epic struggle to subdue a home appliance, a classic David and Goliath clash of wills with an evil corporation, and ultimately the battle for the soul of America

Part One

I am not a Viking. I lack the taste for violence, the desire for blood and guts and sweat and tears, the drive necessary to subdue lesser men, to take what is theirs and make it your own, to use wealth and hardened steel to make peasants do your bidding. I am not a Viking, but I’ve wrestled with them and lived to tell the tale I’m about to tell.

Being of European ancestry it’s likely that I have Viking blood coursing through my veins, share at least a bit of their DNA, but reject any affinity for the raping and pillaging they are so widely known for. I do not identify with the colonial inclinations of either the British or Roman empires, nor with the marauding hoards of the Nordic clans. I do not belong to a conquering clan, but rather to the poets and romantics of the Emerald Isle. I am a lover but have also been known to rise up when challenged. The Irish are peaceful people until we are not, and then you might find yourself taking an eternal nap in a bog of peat, such as it is.